How to Survive a Horror Movie

teabag · Fresh Meat! Joined: 04 Dec 2007 Posts: 29

Avoid cellars and attics.

Don't beg the monster/killer to let you go.

Don't let the police arrest you. They will handcuff you or lock you in the back of their car. Then they get killed and you're trapped.

Don't trust little children or beautiful women if there is no good explaination for their presence.

If you're a girl stay away from your boyfriend.

Katzee · Children of DOLL Joined: 01 Jan 2008 Posts: 1131

Allow me to add:

If you're a girl, also stay away from men who have mother fixations.

Castlerock · Children of DOLL Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 879

Always carry some sort of poison...if you're trapped its better to committ suicide than to give the bastard the pleasure of killing us.
_________________
Been there Done that

djjesusfreak · Posted: Wed Jul 30, 2008 10:14 am Post subject:

Let me add something as well

If for some reason you decide to go camping and you are female, DO NOT BRING HIGH HEELS AND A MINISKIRT!! Wear something you can run in at all times

And

If you pass over a bridge going to any unknown or remote house, cabin ect.. and the bridge you are crossing collapses or is extremely weak, turn your dumb self around and find a way back to the other side while it is daylight or you will be trapped with the ghost or axe carrying mad man come nightfall.

Sage · BLOODY-ASIA Staff Joined: 05 Dec 2007 Posts: 778

When you are told to run....don't stick around to ask "why?" Make like forest gump and run!

JuonSlayer11 · Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 11:23 pm Post subject:

Here is an updated list of all the tips from both the first post and from all our members. I've made a few alterations and proof-reading. Extra rules are always welcomed.

1. Firstly, never drink or do drugs and stay a virgin. Boring!

2. Never say that you'll be right back because you won't be.

3. Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery so it will start immediately in times of crisis.

4. When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody lights on!

5. If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.

6. Big breasts and blonde hair are a death-wish.

7. Don't fool with recombinant DNA technology unless you're sure you know what you are doing.

8. If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.

9. As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell.

10. Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke. Do not search the basement, especially if the power has just gone out.

11. If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.

12. Always check the back seat of your car.

13. If on a stormy night, you find a window open which you thought was previously closed, do not close it. It may be your only way out when whatever has come in through it is chasing you.

14. If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any exotic person (old wizened oriental, gypsy, indian medicine man) warns you to do/not do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.

15. Anniversary nights of executions, horrible murders, or terrifying rituals should be viewed with fear. Especially on the spot where the event took place. Most especially on even century anniversaries. And certainly if you or a friend is somehow descended from one of the original participants.

16. If your friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal, kill them because they are not normal!

17. Kill the person in the group who suggests that you split up. They will eventually get you killed.

18. Never be with the group who plays vicious pranks on the shy strange new kid, those pranksters will soon meet their doom and often in a horribly gory way.

19. Go ahead and slap the screaming hysterical girl, she will be the one to distract everyone when there really is danger.

20. Nothing is ever over if it is still night-time.

21. Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.

22. Never run to the top floor of any building if you are being chased by a maniac/monster. Your only way out will be to jump.

23. Never publicly announce your plans for the future if you make it out alive. It guarantees that you have no future.

24. Never under any circumstances run upstairs if you are being chased.

25. If you find Brad Pitt dressed as a vampire, dont forget to forward him my email address! area51newmexico@hotmail.com

26. When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.

27. Never stand in, on, above, below, beside or anywhere near a grave, tomb, crypt, mausoleum or any other house of the dead.

28. Do not take *anything* from the dead.

29. Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle, Camp Crystal Lake, or any small town in Maine.

30. Beware of strangers bearing tools such as chainsaws, staple guns, hedge trimmers, electric carving knives, lawnmowers, butane torches, smoldering irons, band saws or any (possibly deathly) device made from deceased companions.

31. Listen closely to the soundtrack and pay attention to the audience. They are usually far more intelligent than you could ever hope to be.

32. Remember: Showing Skin=Death.

33. Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.

34. Never watch a horror movie while you're in a horror movie.

35. When battling zombies, always sever their head or shoot them in the brain. If you they still want to eat you after that, just surrender. There's no hope for you anyway.

36. If you're annoying person that no-body likes and in a crap cheapo horror movie, please make a documentary that requires you to hike through the woods while looking for a witch that leaves stick figures hanging in trees, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

37. Never say "Who's there?" Its a death wish.

38.If you DO happen to get killed, make sure it's in a cheap low-budget gore-fest with no plot, so you can come back in the sequel and kick ass, no explanation needed.

39. Don't go back for anyone, you'll both die. Save yourself!

40. If the ghost/person/creature is after something that you have (short of life support), just give it to them, God damn it.

41. This isn't really a rule, it's just a tip: Before buying a house, let a bottle of refined sake (not cheap, but it's the best - very sensitive to spirits) sit, unopened, in the house overnight. Go back the next day and drink it. If it's disgusting, the house is haunted and you probably shouldn't buy it. Unless you want to put up with peeping tom ghosts watching you while you shower, that is.

42. Dont be black. The black guy always dies first.

43. Don't be Hispanic. The hispanic dude is next after the black dude.
((Unless your screen writer is George Romero Wink

))

44. When one of your friend is infected with some demon turning bite or scratch....JUST KILL THEM!!! Screw hope or humanity...cause most likely they will untimately take 2 or 3 of your living friends.

45. Don't risk your life searching for a lost cat or trying to save a stupid dog (esp. the ones who get cocky in the face of danger who act all like, "I got 'nads the size of bowling balls, Yo!").

46. When you see or feel the presence of some shadow figure crawl up to your face in a dark attic or room, DO NOT TURN THE LIGHTS ON! Don't use a lighter or flash light either. Just hull your butt out of there if you expect to have ANY chance to live.

47. If you find a window that refuse to shut, get out of the room.
If you find a door that opens slightly and making creaking noise, don't open it fully. Instead, kick it with all your might and run for your life.

48. If the killer does catch you, corner you or tie you to a piece of furniture (or a tree, whatever), do NOT scream and writhe around in fear. that will only make them hungry for your blood/ make them angry and even more violent/turn them on. instead, try sitting totally silently and not looking too bothered about the whole impending death thing. they will not be expecting this approach and may not know what to do, giving you some kind of advantage.
(NOTE - this has not really been experimented with in many movies, so the results have not technically been proven to be positive. however, if you are going to die anyway, you may as well give it a go and be a little different to the crowd, at least you might die with some dignity.)

49. Fake death like a possum. When you are injured or attacked by the killer, act as if it is a major blow. Then lie down and pretend you passed out. If theres another victim near you even better. Get some of his/her blood to make ur appearance more believeable.
(Slayer Note - This is another rule that has rarely been followed on screen, so it's effectivness is questionable)

50. When you have a weapon in hand, don't drop it after you've struck the killer (Who will most likely still be alive), keep it with you at all times!

51. If you ever stay in th only hotel off of the highway,Interstate or freeway with a house on a hill in back. Do not stay in room Room # 1.

52. NEVER, EVER, drive your car without a full tank. It doesn't matter if you think you have enough, fill her up, so you don't ever run out when the killer/creature/ghost is on your tail. Otherwise you're roadkill for sure.

53. Also carry some extra tanks in the back seat, just in case the car runs out of gas....maybe also to make some molotov bombs (or whatever they are called).

54: When doing incantations/summoning spell, don't break the rules... coz by doing so, you will get eaten alive by the ghost!

55: Don't turn around when a freaky white hand taps you on the shoulder. RUN!

56: Avoid playing videos/songs that were rumored to have caused death.

57: Bring some snack, dont accept goodies from strangers!

58: Never search alone when someone has disappeared. If u suspect that your friend has been gone far too long, assume they're dead and plan your own escape!

59: Always bring a fully charged cellphone, just in case you need help. Unless, your encountering a japanese ghost you need to get rid of all electronic gadgets coz they're too hi-tech!

60. Keep a dog near at all times. They sense humans AND ghosts!!!

61. Avoid cellars and attics.

62. Don't beg the monster/killer to let you go.

63. Don't let the police arrest you. They will handcuff you or lock you in the back of their car. Then they get killed and you're trapped.

64. Don't trust little children or beautiful women if there is no good explaination for their presence.

65. If you're a girl stay away from your boyfriend.

66. If you're a girl, also stay away from men who have mother fixations.

67. Always carry some sort of poison...if you're trapped its better to committ suicide than to give the bastard the pleasure of killing us.

68. If for some reason you decide to go camping and you are female, DO NOT BRING HIGH HEELS AND A MINISKIRT!! Wear something you can run in at all times.

69. If you pass over a bridge going to any unknown or remote house, cabin ect.. and the bridge you are crossing collapses or is extremely weak, turn your dumb self around and find a way back to the other side while it is daylight or you will be trapped with the ghost or axe carrying mad man come nightfall.

70. When you are told to run....don't stick around to ask "why?" Make like forest gump and run!

71. If you commit adultery, YOU WILL DIE!!!!

72. Do not wait for anyone to rescue you. Nobody knows; nobody cares.

73. If you're in a foreign country, learn the language before going.

74. If you're a guy, stay away from chicks who are obsessed with culinary arts. They will either eat you or your loved ones (especially your pets).

JuonSlayer11 · Posted: Sat Aug 02, 2008 11:30 pm Post subject:

Here's an interesting video I found on google. If gives a basic overview on surviving horror movies.

HORROR SURVIVAL TRAINING

JuonSlayer11 · Posted: Thu Aug 07, 2008 9:15 pm Post subject:

75. Don't do anything that will make someone want to kill you....LIKE NOT GIVING YOUR RESPECTS TO THE DOLL MASTER!!!!!

http://asianhorror.forumarena.com/asianhorror-thread1324.html
_________________

One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world will be better for this.

Katzee · Children of DOLL Joined: 01 Jan 2008 Posts: 1131

Never..and I repeat NEVER... tell a guy that you got pregnant by him while you're both standing on top of a tall building.

JuonSlayer11 · Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:18 am Post subject:

77. If you see bloody footprints, DON"T FOLLOW THEM!
_________________

One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world will be better for this.

JuonSlayer11 · Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:37 am Post subject:

78. If your driving, and you see signs like these:

LISTEN TO THEM!!!!!
_________________

One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world will be better for this.

Sage · BLOODY-ASIA Staff Joined: 05 Dec 2007 Posts: 778

^^^ agreed.

And if you seeing broken or worn out signs.....get the hell out of there!

JuonSlayer11 · Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 10:58 am Post subject:

79. As a general rule, have spares to everything. Spare tires, spare medicine. Most inportant, SPARE AMMO; Killers/Monsters/Demons/Ghosts NEVER go down with empty guns!!!!
_________________

One man scorned and covered with scars still strove with his last ounce of courage to reach the unreachable stars; and the world will be better for this.

Castlerock · Children of DOLL Joined: 03 Dec 2007 Posts: 879

These two are similar:
18. Never be with the group who plays vicious pranks on the shy strange new kid, those pranksters will soon meet their doom and often in a horribly gory way.
33. Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.
_________________
Been there Done that

JuonSlayer11 · Posted: Fri Aug 22, 2008 7:57 pm Post subject: